My three-year-old daughter often tells me “Mommy, I wuv you just the way you awr,” and she really does too. She is a HUGE mommy’s girl! It does not matter if I just disciplined her, expressed disappointment to her, or held her because she was sad. She always exclaims, “I want Momma!!” in ALL of these instances. Sometimes it confuses me, because it would make sense for her to cry for someone else especially after she is disciplined by me, (and Daddy would especially appreciate this). But, it is always the same, “I want Momma!!” Sometimes, this expression even comes with pointing at me until she feels my embrace.
It was as I sat in that quiet, lonely ICU room that I started thinking, “How long does faith stay strong while suffering through hopeless trials? How long would MY faith stay strong?” A few days, a couple of weeks, several months, years, more than a decade? If I am honest with myself, my faith started to shake shortly after the news of my dad. The news just seemed extremely overwhelming and honestly just too much to bare. The fears of my youngest kids never remembering their Pepaw, the possibility that I may have spoken to my dad for the last time, words I should have said, things I should have thanked him for all flooded my mind at once. As I recently walked through those days of helplessly watching my dad suffer and striving to patiently wait for God’s timing and purpose, I discovered that my faith only became stronger but NOT in my power.