There is an old song that my PawPaw used to play often, it says,
♬ ♬ “When we all get to heaven what a day of rejoicing that will be, when we ALL see Jesus, we’ll sing and shout for victory!” ♬♬
When I was younger, I loved these words, but yet they always seemed so far away, somewhat foreign even.
Throughout this last week of loss, pain, and brokenness, I have found myself humming this old song often. Yet, it does not feel quite so foreign anymore. It feels warm and like a tight embrace these days. If I’m honest, it feels a lot more like home than this world around me. (Philippians 3:20)
March 22, 2020.
It was such a strange day from the beginning. Church was being live-streamed. I woke up with some bleeding, at only eight weeks pregnant. I stayed home, rested, cried, and pleaded with God for this sweet baby’s life. After losing our sweet Micah at just 15 weeks in December 2019, Paul and I were overjoyed to learn we were pregnant again and were so hopeful for a healthy baby.
But alas, this Sunday morning came and all I could do was cry, plead with God, and trust Him for the results. I wish I could say things got better and He healed our sweet baby on earth. I wish I could post a cute little announcement of the due date and our excitement, but I can’t. Complications grew much worse, and we lost our sweet baby that day. But while our sweet baby was not healed this side of heaven, he or she was healed and for eternity!
But even in THIS loss,
….this loss that cuts so deep to my very core
….this loss that leaves my heart and body broken and my arms empty
….this loss that feels so defeating and weighs so heavy
Yet, even in THIS loss, God is so close. He offers such peace and eternal hope even in my darkest moments.
Matthew 5:4 promises:
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they WILL be comforted.”
Yes, even in THIS loss, there is life…
….life that is full of tickles that make you laugh so hard that you snort
….life that finds animal shapes in clouds even if you have to squint real, real hard
….life that leaves everyone soaking wet from a little water gun fight that wasn’t “supposed” to include mommy. 😉
….life that leaves handprints ALL over the glass, chalk doodles ALL over the driveway, and crumbs ALL over the floor
….life when GOD whispers “I love you. And, it’s going to be ok.”
And life when God says through your 7 year old, “You know what is good about this loss, Momma? Micah has a buddy to play with in heaven now!”
Yes buddy, yes he does.
And God knew that with this loss, I sure needed ALL this life. Thank you Jesus.
It’s all this LIFE that gives me such hope! You see, we tend to look at death as such a “grand finale” or “final arrival”. When in reality, death for a follower of Christ offers SO much hope! See, we KNOW our souls are eternal. Paul says in Philippians 1:21, “For me to live is Christ to die is GAIN!” Both of my babies are with Jesus, and I can hold them for eternity. I can’t wait for that day. What a day of rejoicing THAT will be!!
Oh Father, my soul longs for you. We need you every single day and every single hour. Please lead us to follow you and to live for you now more than ever. May we praise you in troubling times just as much as we praise you in the good times. Lead us to the cross. Be near to us. We love you, Oh Lord. Amen